


Armsman December

by Rose_Milburn



Series: The AU life of Ivan Xav Vorpatril [12]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29325027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Milburn/pseuds/Rose_Milburn
Summary: Sela Thorne has had amarvellousidea to raise funds for a new clinic in Prestwich. Some people aren't too happy about it.
Relationships: Ivan Vorpatril/Original Female Character
Series: The AU life of Ivan Xav Vorpatril [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1001307
Comments: 53
Kudos: 61





	Armsman December

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a friend who has come down with the dreaded Covid. I hope it cheers you up, just a little. Get well soon!

Her husband stirred in their bed, opening one sleepy eye, and then another. Raine loved it when she woke first and could watch the realisation dawn on Ivan's face that he was in bed with the love of his life. She felt so precious and so safe in those fleeting moments before he reached for her. She knew he felt the same. Together, they could face anything.

Today, though, she had an agenda. After their first kiss she reached up to comb the hair away from his face and run her fingers across his lips. "Ivan, can I talk to you?"

He caught her hand and kissed the fingers one by one before moving to her palm with his tongue and hot breath. "You want to _talk_?"

She had to stiffen her resolve before the moment was lost. "Yes, love. I had a delegation of sorts, yesterday."

"A delegation?" Ivan paused in his exploration as his eyes focussed on her expression. "Trouble?"

"Not really. It's more like consternation. It's about Sela's fundraising idea."

"You had a delegation from my Armsmen? Who was it? Driscoll and Harper, I bet. Or was it Price? He never looked comfortable when we were discussing it."

"No, actually, it was Marcus and Adrian, but they spoke for some of the others, too. It's sweet, actually."

Ivan groaned as he pressed his comm link before he reached for his robe. He obviously saw his plans for a lazy morning in bed evaporating before his eyes. "I'll get the coffee. If Fox and Walton have concerns it's serious. I thought the whole thing was a bit of fun. Obviously not."

"Everyone's agreed that Prestwich desperately needs the new clinic. There's no argument about that. Selling the calendar isn't the problem. Selling it in the gift shop in Rotherhall is the problem. Well, actually, no, that's only part of the problem."

She could see her husband looking bewildered. He retreated to their private sitting room and came back with the morning tray Kosa had just delivered. He poured them both coffee and sipped before continuing. "Out with it. Start at the beginning and tell me exactly why Fox and Walton came to you and not to me."

Raine thought back to the little scene yesterday, with Fox shifting from one foot to the other and Walton, obviously there for moral support, looking more like a stuffed mullet than a deadly count's armsman. "They're good sports, really they are. There's no problem with January right through to August. Stripping off to bare their manly pecs doesn't bother them. Harper's happy to bare a lot more than that on the sheepskin in the Black Sheep. He's going to be July. We had to decide on a strategic knee for that one, to keep it tasteful, as you well know."

"Well, what then? _I'm_ happy to do a month. I'm not standing on my dignity. I thought all the shots were going to be just that, very tasteful? Sela promised."

She had to come right out with it. "It's the bodice ripper ones, for lack of a better description. Fox doesn't want to look like he's disrespecting women. Having a half-dressed woman swooning back over his arm while he _leers_ over her, and that was Fox's words, not mine, isn't going to work, and nor is Walton carrying anyone over his shoulder. _He_ says it looks predatory."

"I thought half of the women on Beta _want_ to be carried off by my armsmen. Wasn't that the feedback from the market research Sela carried out?"

"It most certainly was, but your men are not happy with it. It's an old Barrayaran stereotype that brings back unwelcome comparisons to the Escobar war, or so Fox tells me."

Ivan scratched his head. "Were they even alive, then? All that was forty years ago. I suppose they must have been. Just."

He sipped his coffee. Raine could practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes. "Wait. I've got it. In _Lord Vorperil's Dungeon_ isn't Lord Vordagger dragged off and chained up by Lady Chloris? We could do a bit of role reversal."

Raine considered. Having Ivan's armsmen depicting scenes from her books had been Sela's idea for the calendar. They didn't actually have anything from _Lord Vorperil's Dungeon_ yet, come to think about it. Ivan spoke again before she could answer.

"We could use Dono's place. It's all set up, after all, and the publicity won't do him any harm. We could list Vorrutyer House in the location credits." Another brainwave struck him. "We could even ask Flora to do the hot wax bit. She's gorgeous enough for a calendar and it would make it all so much more authentic, wouldn't it?"

"Lord Vordagger was naked when he was chained up, Ivan," Raine reminded him. "There's authentic, and then there's Fox. Do you really think he'd agree?"

"Oh, come on. We could do an upper torso view, with the wax dripping out of shot. Nothing even your mother could object to."

"I suppose we could ask him. Flora wouldn't object, I'm sure, as long as we only sold them on Beta. She's got her professional reputation to think of."

Her husband was on a roll. His imagination was running wild. "So what about Walton? Why don't we get Fiona and Flora to drag him off to their lair, one on each arm, with him helpless and the remnants of his uniform in tatters all around him, except for the modesty bit, of course. That would have to stay intact."

Raine could see a problem with that one. "I haven't written a scene like that in any of my books, though."

Ivan wasn't about to be stopped now. "We'll save it for December. It can be a sneak preview of your up and coming new title. Lord Vordagger hasn't had a _ménage a trois_ with a couple of identical twins yet, has he? You know you were struggling for a plot you haven't done to death already."

Raine gaped at him. "Ivan, some times you're a dead-set genius! Why didn't _I_ think of that, when I'm surrounded by the inspiration? We don't need the money, either. I'll donate all the revenue to the new clinic. That should do the trick nicely."

Ivan carefully set his coffee cup back on the tray and looked at her. The expression on his face warned her just in time to put her own cup down before it went flying. He tumbled her back into to the bed. "Well, if you're going to write a new Vordagger adventure the inspiration isn't going to come from my _armsmen_ any time soon, thank you very much."

Raine thought about it. "Not if you say so, darling."

It was the last thinking she did for a while.


End file.
